The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
