ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
