i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
