college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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