I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
