Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize