What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
