FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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