What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
