so explain again why im purple
no
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
