youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
