If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
