He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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