Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
