If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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