I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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