I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
