So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
