...so i touched it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
