You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize