Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
