I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
