if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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