I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
