Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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