it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
