he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will pee on everything he values.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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