no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize