If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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