so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
