honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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