wakey wakey hands off snakey
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
