Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize