I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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