My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
