You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
