Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
