They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
