found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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