Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
