my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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