I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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