So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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