Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
