i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
