Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
