i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
