Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All the doctor said was why
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize