i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
