I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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