WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
