you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
