just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
