one two three fourrrrnication!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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