Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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