Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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