Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
