He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
