Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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