Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
