So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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