Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
