I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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