i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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