how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
