literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm at about main and main street
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
